No, this isn’t a blog post about erotica. I know absolutely
nothing about writing erotic. I’m a suspense editor, but these words should be
forbidden in any genre—or at least used sparingly. This is about those ‘bad’
words that show up in so many manuscripts I receive. Words that slow your
pacing, make your writing less active, less immediate, and distance the reader.
I’ve listed some to avoid—but trust me, there are
many, many more:
Wondered
Felt
Heard
Saw
Suddenly
Decided
Knew
Thought
Not to say these words can never be used, but the less you use them, the more active, the more ‘showing’ your story will be.
Some
examples:
Before:
Julia was about
to chime in when she heard the door to the bar open. She turned and saw Jasper
Ramsey’s widow and son walk in.
Feeling her stomach clench and tears close her
throat, she thought back to what had happened ten years earlier. The six of
them drinking too much. The joy ride along the narrow, dark lake roads. Jasper
Ramsey’s body flying in the air before landing in the murky water.
After:
Julia was about
to chime in when the door to the bar opened, and Jasper Ramsey’s widow and son walked
in.
Her stomach clenched and tears closed her throat. The memories that were
never far away came flooding back…the six of them drinking too much. The joy
ride along the narrow, dark lake roads. Jasper Ramsey’s body flying in the air
before landing in the murky water.
Which
one sounded more immediate? Made you closer to the emotion? To what the
character is experiencing? There’s no need to tell readers what she
heard, saw, felt and thought. Just state it, actively and directly.
Before:
She knew the
cemetery had been their second favorite hangout, next to the lake, and now, two
of them were resting here…forever.
Suddenly, a
voice spoke behind her. “Are you okay?”
She whirled and
saw Jake standing a few feet away, studying her with that intense expression of
his, as if he could ferret out her every secret, pull every thought and emotion
from her soul.
She peered up at
him. Rain dripped from the brim of his hat as he squinted at her, his mouth
turned down in sympathy. She
wondered what it would be like to fall into him, to feel his arms close around
her, to rest in his comforting embrace. She decided that wouldn’t be wise.
After:
The cemetery had
been their second favorite hangout, next to the lake, and now, two of them were
resting here…forever.
“Are you okay?”
She whirled at
the low rumble of Jake’s voice behind her.
He stood a few
feet away, studying her with that intense expression of his, as if he could
ferret out her every secret, pull every thought and emotion from her soul.
She peered up at
him. Rain dripped from the brim of his hat as he squinted at her, his mouth turned
down in sympathy. She wanted to fall into him, to feel his arms close around
her, to rest in his comforting embrace. She sucked in a breath, willing the
power to resist.
Don’t
tell readers what she ‘knew’ or give them a head’s up that something is about
to occur by using the word ‘suddenly.’ Just let the action play out so that the
reader experiences it along with the character.
One
more….
Before:
He moved up a
couple of steps. She felt her breath stall in her throat as his scent filled
her nostrils. Suddenly, a slow, warm thrill uncoiled in the center of her
belly.
She knew the
look in his eye was far from romantic. She saw anger that turned the gray to
steel. She could see pain there, too.
After:
He moved up a
couple of steps. Her breath stalled in her throat, his scent filling her
nostrils. A slow, warm thrill uncoiled in the center of her belly.
But the look in
his eye was far from romantic. Anger had turned the gray to steel, but there
was pain there, too.
Check
your manuscript for these types of words and get rid of as many of them as you
can. You’ll find your writing to be more showing, more vivid, and readers will become
engaged and connect more closely with the action and with your characters.
Have
a wonderful week…Happy Writing!
